Posted by Paula Richey on October 14, 2012 at 6:12pm
I planned to go to bed already, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep for awhile now. I've been asking God to help me (and to put the dots close together) and I've been torn up over whether now is the proper time of my life to be focusing on my art. I have kids going through some challenging phases right now, and I'm far from perfect in all the other things I ought to be doing, and I am just intensely grateful that I don't have quite the to-do list the Proverbs 31 woman had. I mean, chase a preschooler, quash my 6-year-old's rebellions but not his spirit, keep us all in clean dishes and clothes that fit *and* milk goats and weed a vineyard? No thanks.But there's been some concern around home that if I seriously give my art and writing a shot as a business, I might start neglecting more necessary things. My own concern is more along the idea that if some necessary task is neglected, that my attempt to be serious about pursuing my gifts will be a quick and easy scapegoat for the blame. Also, currently I see things that need to be done, but sometimes I just don't do them. I'm tired of having my major recognized skill be my ability to change even the grossest diapers without gagging. And after I do that, I don't want to pick up dirty clothes and sweep up crumbs and go find one more lost thing that's in plain view right where I said it was.I'm not so much tired as I am frustrated. I need some space to be in my own head and create. I need people to see that as not merely a hobby or a selfish thing, but as a valuable service. Giving me some room to be more of myself is not going to cheat anybody of their rightful piece of my time and attention, and will most likely make my time and attention much higher in quality.And this morning, just before church officially got underway, I was feeling a great mess of things to do with all that, and with some friends of mine, and just trying to hand it all over to God as it came to me because I just can't deal with worrying it over anymore. And suddenly I felt God promise to me. I knew in my mind that God is Lord and His plan is perfect and I should trust Him already. But I hadn't felt it in my heart until then.Now, it doesn't matter how "successful" I am or not. My job is to try. God has the details. (Another thing I knew but had trouble putting into practice)So I'm giving this a serious shot. I bought a book (The Right-Brain Business Plan - it's a bit new-agey and leans heavily on the Power of Collage, but a good read anyway) and I'm laying out the vision and goals and ways and means to cover a few basic expenses with my art and writing without compromising my values. I'm also implementing ideas from my pastor's new book Unleash! (yes, the exclamation point is in the title) and making sure my heart is right and I'm ready for what God wants for me.Even so, I was feeling daunted today by the magnitude of the task ahead (good thing I don't even know all of it yet) and wondering if maybe there wasn't something to the concern that I wouldn't be able to take care of my family well enough if I also focused on my creative pursuits seriously. Who is going to pay enough for my art to justify spending all that time on it?And then just a couple hours ago I got a call from the lady at the fair where I had entered two reverse-painted glass windows in their silent auction. She said that "Buck and Does" had only one bid, which was for the minimum $20 I had put as the starting bid. The other one, "Moonlit Beach," had lots of bids, but some of those looked like they were from children playing around. But the last bid that looked like it came from an adult and had a phone number with it was for $145.I called, it was a real number with a real adult on the other end, and he said the bid was correct and he seemed pleased he'd won. I'm calling him back after I pick up the window so he can get it from me.Now, at this point, I still don't believe it, really. What if his bid was actually $45 and had an extra mark that just looked like a 1? Or what if he never shows up? Or if the check bounces? All that seems more likely than my painting being worth that much money.But, what if there's no mistake? What if this is one of those dots I've asked God to place close together so there is no mistake I'm doing what He wants me to do? What if, indeed, I did not imagine the promise from Him I heard so clearly in church this morning?
Oh, I didn't take it that way at all! Read my tone as more like,"I love them (but they're driving me nuts!)" :D I totally agree - my life has been much better since I put everything in order: God, husband, kids, create, housework is in there somewhere... ;)But I have to have "create" in there - they can't make me toss it out in favor of putting them in the queue again. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did your kids suddenly morph into litigation experts at 6 1/2? I'd been enjoying mommying pretty well until this phase. Tell me it ends!
I homeschool (schools in this district aren't exactly what I want, my son is advanced but high energy and easily bored, and he's just better off if I teach him basics and then turn him loose on his own projects) so I don't have any built-in time to myself during the day. I need boundaries :) I'm trying to wake up earlier than the kids so I at least have quiet time in the morning.
Thanks, Amber and Todd :) I do love my family! Sometimes they get jealous of my time and attention to the point where I feel a bit strangled, and that's when I try to steer them onto other things. My son is almost 7 now - he really could do more on his own than he likes to admit ;) I don't mind tackling my toddler's diapers and being a full-time mom, and I don't need a full-blown career, just a little space where everyone realizes that a little quiet (and room to pursue creating seriously) is a good thing for me and not necessarily a bad thing for them. I'm a lousy housekeeper because I'm a nonlinear thinker, not because I waste my time being artsy. Housekeeping is improving - I've nailed down Things That Must Be Done, and they get done no matter what. So now, logically, I should be able to create more since I don't have so many things to do hanging over my head. Instead, though, it seems like it's time for my family to try to add on the stuff they don't want to do :P By family, I think mostly I mean my son. Frustrating stage right now, where everything is "I don't want to! Why can't you do it?" Ugh.
Thanks, Gerard! It's weird, but now I really am a lot less concerned about the sale itself. I started out just hoping one would sell, and both have, and my mom is now going to want a new one since she said she wanted to buy whichever one didn't sell. And I even have a number for someone who might want a new one as well. So no matter what, at this point, my expectations were exceeded :D
And even that doesn't matter nearly as much as having a confirmation that I'm doing the right thing now. All I really need is just enough income that I can continue, after all :)
Hi Paula! Forgive me for saying so, but I wouldn't worry so much about how the sale for 'Moonlit Beach' goes. I will pray that it goes as the bidder has promised to you. But I think in this age of faith, God doesn't always answer 'Gideon's Fleece' requests if He knows you already know the answer. Certainly God will make all things work together for the good, for you love Him and are called according to His righteous purpose. If you believe God has asked you to try, regardless of what the outcome may be, then rest easy in His care.
Praying that God will guide you and confirm your belief in the promise you made to Him, and He to you:) May your art be for His Glory and a blessing to your family!
Comments
Did your kids suddenly morph into litigation experts at 6 1/2? I'd been enjoying mommying pretty well until this phase. Tell me it ends!
I homeschool (schools in this district aren't exactly what I want, my son is advanced but high energy and easily bored, and he's just better off if I teach him basics and then turn him loose on his own projects) so I don't have any built-in time to myself during the day. I need boundaries :) I'm trying to wake up earlier than the kids so I at least have quiet time in the morning.
Contact Lisa Hutchinson. She is mature and been in the"game" for some time. She may be able to give good adive and knowledge. http://www.christiancomicarts.com/profile/myangelsnow
And even that doesn't matter nearly as much as having a confirmation that I'm doing the right thing now. All I really need is just enough income that I can continue, after all :)
Hi Paula! Forgive me for saying so, but I wouldn't worry so much about how the sale for 'Moonlit Beach' goes. I will pray that it goes as the bidder has promised to you. But I think in this age of faith, God doesn't always answer 'Gideon's Fleece' requests if He knows you already know the answer. Certainly God will make all things work together for the good, for you love Him and are called according to His righteous purpose. If you believe God has asked you to try, regardless of what the outcome may be, then rest easy in His care.
Praying that God will guide you and confirm your belief in the promise you made to Him, and He to you:) May your art be for His Glory and a blessing to your family!