When I was eleven I had a dream. No, it was more than a dream, it was a goal, a mission. My mission was to do comics as an adult. That is what I told myself what I wanted to do. And from that day I began to train myself to become the best comic book artist that I could be. I was determined to accomplish this dream.
Years passed and I never stop training as an artist and I held tight to the focus until I became a Christian in my early twenties. This was after a failed attempt to start a comic book company after high school and trying to find my place with God. In my mid-twenties God revitalize my desire to do comics and the eleven year old was at it again. This time it was for the Lord, to save souls. Ten years passed and after two publishers fell through and 300 pages later the dream was realized with Leeway Artisans. Even though it took a year to get it out due to printing, spiritual and financial setbacks. But the dream was realized, however the eleven year old had grown up and after so many years of struggle, good times and bad times, setbacks and life in general he forgot about the joy of doing comics. Yes, to reach goals you have to become disciplined and make plans and improve, but the eleven yeaqr old dream was to do comic books and that it.
If you are a believer and if you are following a dream, then you know the dream truly originated from God not you. God revealed that to me years ago. Of course I forgot or blacked it out. It's funny how God used comics to really help me growing up. I had some rough things happen in life, but superheroes never gave up through adversity. I learned that from Spider-man and X-men comics. I'm not joking. I was once asked what person influenced you the most that you admire. My answer was Uncle Ben(I was in a group of ten peopel in a bible study, the only person that understood my answer was a guy who also read comics. And if you are a long -time reader of Spider-man you would understand my answer also.) My father I believe tried his best, but he wasn't the best role-model and God used a fictional character to at least get by and know what a Father was until I knew our heavenly Father. What I'm saying, God works in strange ways. But he works-for our good-more for our good than his glory I believe.
With that, my dream was accomplished, I did my part , I kept the faith, worked on my comic and it is being published. The eleven year old boy should be happy. But he was corrupted. The years went by as a Christian and he held on to the dream as if it was his own. As if he made it happen and had to make it grow and flourish. He sowed the seed and thought he could make it come forth.
God told me to let go of the marketing and promoting of my comic awhile ago. I think I wrote about it in a blog too. I finally did and I'm screaming and kickng and angry at God. I feel it was my Isaac and now you ask me to let it go like that after the years and years of struggle, After the years and years of ridicule by family and friends Who now of course admire and respect me beacuse I didn't give up.THIS WAS MINE! THIS WAS MINE!
It's funny, giving up that part of my dream which I was never suppose to burden, I feel such freedom(when I'm not in a tantrum), I know the complaining in me will stop and I know it's better this way. My comic is not a business first, it's a ministry. And only God can build a ministry right. Not to say a business can't be Godly, because you have to also allow God to have that too. But in my case I can't approach it with a human business plan. I have to approach it in prayer, in trust and just doing my art. I feel free, though it's hard at times when you've been a slave for a long time. I'm learning to live not just survive.
The flip side, you may ask is the eleven year old laid to rest. No, but the corruption from age and bitterness is leaving him. Leaving me. I'm feeling the same innocence I had back then and yea it's scary at times but what dream and risk isn't.
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