At a watershed moment like this, it is natural to think about how I will spend my newfound riches. What is not natural is thinking about how I'm not going to spend my newfound riches... and, thanks to a quick perusal of eBay, I've come up with five examples.
Five Things I Will Not Be Buying With My Big Ol' Government Check
Item the First - A 19th Century Italian Puppet Head
Mmm, aw yeah, baby! Look at that. That's 7 inches of treasure, right there, I tell ya. Despite my personal history of collecting various heads through high school (uh... yeah, I did... mostly glass, one gorilla, and a delightful tissue box cover I named Sandra Dee), paying $600 for a wooden puppet head just seems a little much to me. Don't let that stop you, though... if you are really into creepy wooden puppet heads.
Item the Second - A 1996 GMC Jimmy...
...in a slightly less than "new" condition. Can you believe what a steal this little gem is?!? And, don't spread it around, but I hear it only has 240,000 miles on it. It's like it was just rolled off the lot! Everyone knows a Jimmy isn't really broken in until you hit the 400,000 mile mark. Despite this, I'll be passing.
Item the Third - A Flying Saucer Store Prop...
...with Alien!
You know, I'm glad they felt the need to put "Store Prop" in the listing. Otherwise, I might have thought this was an actual flying saucer. Okay, honestly... this is kinda cool. I mean, can you imagine installing this on the ceiling in your living room? No? Just me? Oh. Well, anyway, this is actually a bit of a bargain at $599.99. You would have an entire cent leftover! The cost and the burden of transporting this item did it in, though. Maybe I'll make a version of it out of paper mache, though...
Item the Fourth - An Indonesian Rickshaw
Woo, doggies! Now we're talkin'. This isn't just a purchase, it is an investment in a future! Who wouldn't want to drag people around in this baby? And, on a day like today, where the thermometer hasn't hit double digits, I bet people would be clamoring for the chance to tour our frozen city in a nice, open-air vehicle that moves at the speed of... man. Oh, wait... shipping is $250.00. Aw, shucks. Guess that rules my new career.
Item the Fifth - A Wetsuit Worn by Dan Akroyd in Caddyshack II
Wow. Just... wow. Words cannot express the joy that welled up in me at this find. I mean, this isn't just some piece of clothing from any old movie... this is wardrobe from that cinematic masterpiece Caddyshack II! Lauded by none as a film that surpassed the original, we have the opportunity to own a piece of film history. Dan Akroyd, aping (badly) Bill Murray's brilliant performance from the original film, actually wore this wetsuit! It's remaining stink will help remind you of the stink that this film left in theaters around the country. And, it is another bargain, at a mere $599.95. Which means I'd have a nasty old wetsuit and a nickel when all was said and done. Hmm. Tempting, but no.
Looks like I'll just use the money to pay off some bills.
Type at you later.
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