• Looks good! I would suggest more spacing in the font so that it's easier to read. Is this a hand written font?
  • I see the potential in it. I would ask that the dialogue could be a bit more clever, but I like what you are doing with it. 

  • Buzz Dixon said:
    1) More practice (but that's my standard answer for EVERYBODY)
    2) Not sure what the joke was here; that the guy reading the Bible story to the little girl is an idiot or that it's okay to reinterpret minor details so long as the basic truth remains
    3) Too many of the dialog balloons were too crowded. You might want to consider opening the story up by expanding it to two pages so you can add panels & make the balloons less crowded
    3b) Conversely, you might want to start with Stephen being stoned then cut to the present where we realize the guy-who-isn't-the-girl's-relative is putting his spin on the Bible story. This lets you eliminate 2 or 3 early panels and open up the rest of the page.
    4) Forgive me if I'm unaware of long established character relationships here, but my question as a reader is who is the guy reading the Bible story to the little girl if not her father, uncle, older brother, or other relative?

    The joke here I guess is that the reader wants to make the story less scary to the little girl. He is kind of an idiot sometimes lol. I am aware of too much words crammed into the world balloons and thanks to a book I read, I learned to keep my word ballons with some space around the edges to give the dialog "breathing space". The guy reading the comic is a friend of the girls older brother, who's at the end of the comic. I do plan to put this joke eventually into my comic Modern Christians but then take your advice and everyone elses.

    I would perfer to get more commentary on my latest comics instead though! :)
  • Jacob Duncan said:
    There are too many panels on this page.

    Yeah I know, thats why I changed things with my latest comic. I was experimenting then and I've changed how I am doing my comic.
  • Hi David,

    There are several fronts I would think that you should act. I think the line weight in your inking is an issue. As well you're using pencil and erasing. You should get some non-photo blue pencils, do your artwork, then ink over the pencils without erasing the blueline and finally scan them in using a black and white setting on your scanner. The panel spacing is awkward so add layout to the list. Remember to leave a good amount of space for your lettering and bubbles so you don't have to come so close your lettering with the bubbles.

    The very first thing you should ask yourself is 'Where is the funny?' The punchline brings us down a bit because there is waaay too much build up. So I would say that there is a heck of a research and development curve to get going on.

    On the lighter side, don't be discouraged, this stuff is hard and the material you're trying to work with is incredibly hard. You should check out the tutorials in to see more articles on how to do the basics. The bonus is they're free!

  • Funny, I think these kind of cartoons are hard to do. You always have to have that punch line. I think thats why I only have drawn 2 of these types of cartoons. Need to have a lot of punchlines. Keep it up.
  • I like it. It went in a different direction than I was expecting. I would say that the eyes and nose are a bit too cartoonish for what I thought the subject matter would be, but since it is "lighthearted" it works.
    Keep it up, maybe try and color it digitally :D
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