First off, I don't want this to be a permanent spot on my record, but I've been having thoughts of suicide all day today. I don't know if it's because I haven't had much sleep or I just haven't been having a good day. I don' want to feel this way, but a lot has happened in the last couple weeks. I have to go back to school where I don't have many friends, my parents and I haven't been getting along, I barely see my dad anymore because of his job, I can't get ANYTHING I want to done because of my ADHD, and I woke up in a bad mood. I just feel like my life is falling apart. HELP ME!
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Oops, I meant to say "You do not feel the way you feel for no reason."
This was months ago, I hope you are doing better now!
May the Holy Spirit give you comfort and strength during this difficult time. As you can see by the response of your brothers and sisters in Christ, that you are valuable and loved. Continue to read the Word of the Lord where Jesus promised you an abundant life in Him.
PS. KG I know this is old but do you get Bible-based counseling for this? When I had the serious anxiety, suicidal depression it was all because I believed certain lies. I had to take them isolate and write down those triggering thoughts and bring them in submission to God's Word. I hope you are doing better now. You do not feel the way you feel for a reason. All our behaviors manifest from a seed of thought in our hearts and minds then become manifest on the outside through emotions, actions, and behavior.
These experiences can break us and will either bring us closer to God or push us away...
I know for me, it brought me into greater dependence on him. Sometimes the flesh is dying and it's painful, lonely, seemingly hopeless. I was once told that Jesus also knew what it was like to feel all these things. To be lonely outside of Heaven with no home of his own and no one understanding him. We fellowship with him not only in our joy but also in sufferings. This is the part a lot of churches don't want to teach about.
Depend on him everyday, all day sis. The panic and sadness we feel only reinforces our hunger for God's grace and fellowship in this dark world. Jesus Christ lived a life of total dependence on his Father. We are expected no less.
For every terrible thought an feeling, talk to him. Tell him how you think and feel and ask for his help. If you're confused ask for wisdom. Reading proverbs is also great when we feel lost. Stay in the word and if that's hard, don't hesitate to ask for prayer. Keep blasting that worship music. At the end of the day, feelings are just that, feelings, and they come and go. There's a difference between what we feel and what we know. We have to hold on to what we know in Christ despite our feelings. Satan likes to use those against us with his fiery darts and manipulations. He used to send me all kinds of thoughts including how to kill myself in graphic detail. A very wicked and sick spirit and I rebuke him for messing with my sister K.G like this.
I can say God has brought you to the right place K.G., where others love you as Jesus does, please remember that dear friend. I just want you to know you are so adored and loved by the Father and if you weren't he wouldn't have came down in the flesh to give his own life. It pains me when I see things like this cause we are only here temporarily as our souls are eternal one way or another, and you must understand we are in a spiritual battle. The enemy Satan has come to steal your joy, kill your body and destroy your soul, and he would love nothing more then for us to give up. You must not give him that position and claim authority over your life through Christ alone.
I've been there myself with drugs leading to acting out suicidal thoughts with demons all around me encouraging it. I've been on the battlefield in Afghanistan with the enemy at my front door not knowing if I would even survive through the night. We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, but our God says we will walk through that valley not stay there, hallelujah!!! So don't be afraid to walk on through my friend, God has got you and will never let go, he is your guiding light, call on him and only him even if he doesn't answer know he is there and he is God. There is nothing in this world that is worth taking your own life, remember what people said on here if you start to go town that road again. God has a purpose for us all, remember you are s beautiful piece of his story and he treasures you as a child of the kingdom.
Hi KG,
As you can see from the other responces, you're really worthwhile to many great hearts, some of them are here praying for you. I was suicidal in high school, and in order to make that final biggest-mistake-of-your-life you have to believe several lies:
Lie#1 - You really don't matter to anyone. LIE! Even when you don't get along with parents, you matter to them. You matter to us, everyone who is communicating with you and praying for you. You matter to relatives and those you have befriended in the past. You matter a lot!(Rom8:31)
Lie#2 - Its your life, your body, to keep or destroy as you wish. LIE! God made your body and soul, and then redeemed it with the blood of his precious son(Rom 5:8). You belong to God (Rom14:8); your suicide would actually be a murder of a life that doesn't belong to you. Suicide is not an option for you.
You do have the right to be deeply depressed, lonely, insecure, afraid of school; and you have the right to choose to deal with it. You chose to share with us, good move. You will continue to pray to God and pour out your fears to Him, He can handle whatever you tell him. You will start to look for comfort(Ps23, Job42), then healing and understanding in the bible. You will learn through your sufferings(Heb12:6) just like Jesus did(Heb5:8).
I will pray for you as well.
A month from now you will write a reflection on this past month, a reflection full of hope and new wisdom.
Dear K.G. Adams,
My heart goes out to you tonight in the hour of darkness in you life. 10 years ago I almost committed suicide in Portland Oregon. I had no hope, no future, my enemies were all around me and God seemed silent. It's unbearable, being pushed to that brink, and you will never be the same. But don't give up. I don't know you, but if you're like me, what's killing you are the evil constructs of destructive thought that have built up on the truths in your life, like barnacles on the hull of a ship. Pretty soon you can't see anything but that terrifying mass of torture bearing down on you.
The book of Job is a wonderful place to start. Does that sound odd? Many are troubled by Job, fixating on the fact that such pain and torment can happen in a believer's life. But it does, doesn't it? You know it tonight. The key is, when God says 'Where were you when I performed all these miracles', He isn't saying 'You are nothing Job, you're no one, how dare you question me.' Look carefully at every miracle He presents to Job to consider.
They are magnificent.
When you are wounded, all you are is the wound. That's how it is as a human. Break your foot and all you are is foot and pain. You don't think 'My, my arm feels great today, my lungs enjoy clean air'. Job had succumbed and was trapped in nothing but his agony.
God's solution was to coax Job to look up and outside the pain. He showed Job wonders so beautiful and magnificent that Job's eyes once more were raised from this sorry earth up to the only one who can give us real hope. God.
My advice is, give up everything that is destroying you. Not forever. But you are wounded, little one, and trying to fight battles on every front. And the wounds are tearing wide and bleeding. This is your time to heal. Find whatever inspired you in the past, be it a story, a movie, a song, something that doesn't make you feel condemned, but that ministers to your heart and soul. Sing softly to God your favorite songs, even if they aren't Christian songs.
Dear one, God is always with you, even when you cannot see it and it seems impossible. Heal. Rest. Talk to God and tell Him everything. Celebrate the things that bring you joy. God wants to pull your eyes up to Him, and tell you that He loves you, and that nothing, nothing, will separate you from HIm ever.
I'm sorry if none of this helps, this is how it was for me. When I had the tarps to put in the tub and the 3 bottles of sleeping pills, oddly it was a fanfiction Richard Lawson wrote about Ranma 1/2 'The Rose of Shadows' that helped me get past that terrible moment. For you, it will be something personal, precious, possibly totally unexpected.
I am praying for you with all my heart!
Gerry Lee
Remember, you are valuable to God and have a purpose. Don't let dark thoughts make you be tempted to take a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I don't know if you've ever heard of Casting Crowns, but they're a band that often helps me be encouraged. In one of their songs, Just Be Held, it says,
"So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, its falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held"
You are in my prayers,
Raquel